My family knows that I have a proclivity for pranks. In fact, there is a sense of puzzlement among some within the family as to why a man in his mid-sixties is amused by such frivolity. I don’t have an explanation for this. I have loved shows like “Candid Camera” and more modern equivalents that have taken the place of that show.
Anyone who lives in the US knows that one of the irritations that one has to put up with is telemarketers who call, often at the most inconvenient times. In days gone by, this used to happen frequently but after legislation which allowed the registration of one’s phone number on a “do not call” list, telemarketing calls are far less of a nuisance though the legislation exempted calls from charities and from political parties and candidates running for office.
Tom Mabe decided to deal with one of these telemarketers in a manner that was a combination of creativeness and intimidation. It is hilarious and entertaining:
The next one is a radio prank call which appears to have taken place in South Africa and is fairly harmless but amusing. It is a phone call to a BMW dealership complaining about the quality of a BMW vehicle.
Of course, there is the tragic instance of a prank call to a nurse at the hospital where Kate Middleton was admitted which resulted in the suicide of the nurse. So prank calls can go wrong and I am certainly mindful of the downside of such calls.
British humor at its best is formidable for its dry wit. Perhaps because I lived in Britain for several years, I probably have a greater appreciation for British humor than most Americans.
I recently was made aware of a product being sold by Amazon UK. The product was innocuous: Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme but what is hilarious is the reaction of British users of the product who did not follow the instructions and had to deal with consequences. The comments by these users was remarkable not just for the humor but for how well written they are as compared to the less than articulate comments one would find when written by Americans.
The comments are well worth reading. There are many amusing comments and it is difficult to single out the best but the one below is representative of some of the better ones:
Possessing as I do a genital cluster that bears an uncanny resemblance (and indeed aroma) to Chewbacca’s armpit, I decided to purchase this product. Upon applying the creme to my tassel and conkers, I was taken aback by a sudden and disturbing gasping noise, followed by a sound that I can only describe as the horrific howlings from Satan’s own Hell Hound, Cerberus. As I whirled around to view the source of the noise, I perchanced to glance in the bathroom mirror, and, seeing my own mouth stretched agape in a terrible rictus of agony, I deduced the sound was coming from me.
My eyes widening with mounting horror, I surveyed the damage occurring to my sausage and beans with no small sense of panic. My pubes were actually bubbling and fizzing, in much the same way they might if one of James Cameron’s Aliens had just sprayed their acid blood upon them. There were no swear words strong enough to adequately describe the agony, and in my delirium I began making them up. I don’t recall exactly what I screamed, but I’m fairly sure the entirely-new expletive “funting” was employed.
With as much haste as I could muster I hobbled into the shower and applied cooling water to the conflagration in my crotch, which only served to spread the napalm to my perineum. I am not a church-going man but as I felt the flaming horror trickle across that tender inch of no-man’s land, I confess that I prayed aloud to Jesus and his host of angels that the advancing agony would not stray into my buttonhole. However, my prayers went unheeded, and as I felt the liquid inferno sizzle its way into my most private of eyes, I lost consciousness, but not before grabbing the shower curtain and collapsing, in a disturbing echo of that famous scene from Hitchcock’s “Psycho”. Although believe me, being hacked to death by Norman Bates in a dress would have been a walk in the park compared to the searing agony I endured that fateful day.